New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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