During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It's shark week go big or go home
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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