Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My vagina just recognized that song.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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