No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Your dad touched me again.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
