Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
