Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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