so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
