that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
