So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
