ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
