did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
