Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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