Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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