Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
