By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
