It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
