Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
