He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
