It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
