mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
