So drunk its hurt
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
