Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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