But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
