oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
