She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Two words: blizzard sex
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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