So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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