Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
