I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
