I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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