now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
