I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
