Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
