Cold hands, warm shart.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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