he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
