I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
