did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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