Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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