mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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