The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
