I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
