I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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