i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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