rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
