Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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