it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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