Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show youâ€
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