i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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