it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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