Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
