1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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