I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
