you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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