He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
