Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
