adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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