I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
